You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
