I want to walk on stilts...naked
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
