sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize