DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
