I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
