so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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