I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
