I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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