apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How drunk are you?
Completed.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
