everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
