You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
