Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
