Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
