Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
