He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
