guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
