i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
