Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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