I think scott just propositioned me for sex
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
