WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
