guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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