i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
