it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
