my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
