No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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