Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
