im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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