she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
