i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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