NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
