So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
