i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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