just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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