We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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