someone threw a dead crab at me
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm getting married
To pizza
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
