Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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