She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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