I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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