Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
