Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Drunk is a universal language darling
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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