Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
