I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Hippo gnu deer
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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