I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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