thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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