I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
