Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
