Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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