Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
