if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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