yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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