just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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