I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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