So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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