Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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